In the past year, I have visited several departments in the hospital, including cardiology, ophthalmology, gastroenterology, neurology, otorhinolaryngology, obstetrics and gynecology, and the emergency department. I also had to call 119 for the first time in my life. Those around me have experienced sudden paralysis, discovered tumors that required surgery, or even sudden death. Although I have had several near-death experiences (mostly due to poor driving conditions and terrible pedestrian infrastructure in Taiwan), I still feel scared.
Other than the occasional back pain, I feel like I am far from aging. However, every time I see elderly people who cannot care for themselves in the hospital, I fear for my parents getting old.
As a child, I thought my parents were very strict with me in certain aspects, but as I grew up, I realized that I was also very harsh on them. I guess all of us are victims of perfectionism.
Last year, I had an argument with my younger brother due to a misunderstanding. At that time, I also had a feeling of being stabbed by my own son with a knife. I guess this was how my parents felt when I made them angry? I have never experienced heartbreak that cuts like a knife, but during that time, I did experience it.
At that time, I felt like my brother was beyond help, and I did not want to talk to him ever again. However, I had a dream where I confronted him about his hurtful words and actions, and he made a cute and innocent face, asking for forgiveness. When I woke up, I found the dream hilarious. That guy can really solve many things just by using his charm.
Talking to him made me realize that I do not understand others as well as I thought I did. I have experienced stomach pains, insomnia, heart palpitations, and difficulty breathing many times this year, but the amount of physical suffering I have gone through probably pales in comparison to what my brother has endured in the past 22.5year. I feel sorry for him. My brother once said, “Hasn’t everyone made a deal with the devil before? I guess I exchanged my life for good looks!”
This year, I deeply felt that God opens a window for you but will also close a door for you. I really wish God could close the “cardia “door tightly for me.
To get to the point, I have submitted some ideas to promote the welfare of the elderly. If you agree with my ideas, could you please vote for me? (link) You can vote through Facebook or LINE. Thank you so much!
As for aging, I highly recommend the following work:
- 《如蝶翩翩》（朝鮮語：나빌레라 ）
- 《三十九》（朝鮮語：서른, 아홉）
- 《老夫老妻重返青春》（日语：じいさんばあさん若返る）
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中文版：上帝給你開了一扇窗，必會給你關起一道門。
最近一年去了心臟科、眼科、腸胃科、神經科、耳鼻喉科、婦產科、急診室，還有人生第一次當撥通119的人。身邊的人，有人突然全身不能動、有人意外發現腫瘤要動手術，也有人突然暴斃。雖然體驗瀕臨死亡的次數不少(主因是台灣的駕駛素質堪憂和人行道規劃爛爆)，但是還是會有害怕的感覺。
除了閃到腰的時機以外，感覺自己離衰老很遙遠，但每次在醫院看到完全無法自理的老人時，就會很怕父母老去。小時候會覺得爸媽對自己在某些方面很嚴苛，但長大後才發現作為子女，我對爸媽也是很嚴苛(呵呵)，大概我們4個人都是完美主義的受害者吧。
去年因為被弟弟誤會的事情跟他吵架，那時候還有一種被自己親生兒子拿刀砍的錯覺，也算是另類體驗到我爸媽被我氣死的感覺嗎?失戀都沒有體驗到心如刀割，但是那陣子體驗到了。那時候覺得弟弟吃錯藥沒救了，本來不想理他，打算一輩子都不要跟他講話。結果我做了一個夢，在夢裡面，還是很不住主動開口跟他講他的言行舉止讓我很受傷的事，然後夢裡面的他就一臉無辜地賣萌說他錯了求我饒了他吧。醒來的時候覺得這個夢實在太好笑了，這傢伙真的是可以靠臉解決很多事。
因為跟他聊天，才意識到自己並沒有想像中的了解別人。這一年胃痛、失眠、心悸、喘不過氣的次數很多，但是這種生理上的痛苦時數，大概遠不及我弟半年的量吧？想到可愛的弟弟，從出生到現在一直在經歷這些痛苦，而且就覺得很捨不得。我弟說過：會不會每個人都曾跟魔鬼做交易？我大概是用生命跟魔鬼換了顏值吧！
這一年我深深的感覺到：
上帝給你開了一扇窗，必會給你關起一道門。
我真希望上帝可以幫我把賁門關緊一點啊～
言歸正傳，我投了一些促進老人福祉的點子，如果大家覺得認同，可以幫我投票嗎？
連結在這邊：本年度點子投票區 | 集點子大賽-信義公益基金會 (sinyicharity.org.tw) 用FB或LINE都可以投票，感恩不盡！
補充關於衰老，我很喜歡的作品：
- 《如蝶翩翩》（朝鮮語：나빌레라 ）
- 《三十九》（朝鮮語：서른, 아홉）
- 《老夫老妻重返青春》（日语：じいさんばあさん若返る）
